the actual me

I work hard.

Remember when you moved into my home. Remember when you took me with you to shop for furniture to furnish a new home and clothes to impress a date.  Remember when you would call me about your husband and children concerns, Remember when I cared for your children, Remember when I accompanied you to friends/work/ or somewhere you didn't want to go alone.  YA, I did all that.  I was the big sister and the little sister to all of you. Ive been happily married longer than anyone of my siblings.  I have been raising children longer than all but one sister. I graduated college, bought homes, negotiated buying cars, moved across states, volunteered on several PTA boards and held leadership roles in church callings most of my adult life. Ive been in debt over my heard and dug my way out.  I have spent more energy and time than i had sometimes, and I have learned to put boundaries where i need them to function and honor my commitments and covenants to my husband and children. Whether you want to know it or not, I am a valuable human being disabled and chronically ill.  This is my new normal.  I do not hide.  I am not weak.  I am not unstable.  I am chronically ill and disabled.

I play hard because someday I probably won't be able to.

I choose to be happy as often as humanly possible because it is really easy for me to get depressed, let's face it there is a dismal road ahead for it.  I know it.  but as long as it is not now I can be happy.

exercise makes me feel better.

I choose my company wisely.  if you aren't adding to my happiness I don't need it.